


tears are only water

by shokubeni



Series: ivory&black [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crying, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Flashbacks, M/M, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2019-01-06 03:03:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12202611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shokubeni/pseuds/shokubeni
Summary: Every time Theo cried, he curled in a ball, wrapped up in himself, like he wanted to turn into something smaller than he was, until he disappeared. His crying was quiet and silent, simply tears streaking down his cheeks, as he was terrified of uttering any sound, the tears pooling on his chin until they fell on his fisted hands, curled on the fabric of his clothes.





	tears are only water

**Author's Note:**

> it has veen forever since i wrote something of these two, who are my favourite couple for emotional, darkened, angsty writing. they love each other in a very deep way despite all the baggage around them and i am: soft

Every time Theo cried, he curled in a ball, wrapped up in himself, like he wanted to turn into something smaller than he was, until he disappeared. His crying was quiet and silent, simply tears streaking down his cheeks, as he was terrified of uttering any sound, the tears pooling on his chin until they fell on his fisted hands, curled on the fabric of his clothes.

And Blaise hated the fact he cried like he should be ashamed of doing so, but he understood, nevertheless. He knew they were raised differently in more than one way. He was raised by the most emotional, raw and strongest woman, his mother; but Theo was taught that tears equalled weaknesses and the  _real men didn't cry_ rubbish, and with punishments that went beyond reason when tears finally spilled down Theo's cheeks.

The funny thing was, Theo was much more of an emotional person than Blaise was, more emphatic,  _pure_ was the only adjective Blaise truly found to describe him. He was damaged, as most of them were, but Theo could have taken all that hatred and hurt he had raised up with and turn it into something evil, selfish or heartless.

But instead, Theo did the contrary thing, and Blaise always marvelled at how he grew up to be so understanding, and kind and nice, when he was raised by the  _monster_ his father was. A monster that made him self-conscious and dubious of the very things that made Theo what Theo was. The things that Blaise loved the most about him. 

He was tired, and angry at seeing Theo struggling about his feelings, not at Theo but at his father. Every time Theo apologised for something he didn't have to, every time Theo stopped himself at talking about something he liked, with that  _shine_ in his eyes Blaise could lose himself into; every time he winced and stiffened when he heard a scream, or the sound of shattering glass.

Blaise didn't think a lifetime imprisonment in Azkaban was punishment enough, not when Theo woke up eaten alive by flashbacks and nightmares, shivering and chocking in his own breath, scared and teary, and even so, he still tried to hold himself back in the  _anticipation_ of something worse happening.

And while staring at the transparent streaks falling down his lover's face, Blaise's mother words echoed in the back of his mind. “Tears are like the  _showers_ of the soul, caro, they  _cleanse_ you inside out. They take all the dirt, all the sadness, the bad things, and they purify them in water, and salt. Do you understand? If someone is afraid of their own tears, or the tears of others, they are someone to be wary about.”

So Blaise always took Theo in his arms, rocking him as he would rock a child, and melting in the embrace of his lover, he could literally  _feel_ Theo relaxing around him. And with his head buried in the crook of his neck, he sobbed and sobbed until he just didn't have more tears left. Blaise would thread his long fingers through his black hair, stroking his scalp, whispering words of encouragement and solace against the shell of his ear.

And it took Theo a lot of time to calm down, to stop shivering, and crying and breathing heavily, to stop clinging to Blaise's body in pure fear. And he would always look up at Blaise when he was done, his eyes swollen, his long eyelashes damp and cluttered by the tears, looking between ashamed and exhausted, and thankful.

Blaise always kissed the last of his tears away, closed, chaste kisses against Theo's eyelids, and cheeks, and chin. The first times Blaise saw Theo cry, he used to apologise profusely when he was done, but these days, all he did was to look up to his lover with an expression of pure bliss, and gratefulness in his face, leaning his eyebrow bone against Blaise's forehead, mumbling a thank you he could feel more against the skin of his nose, than actually hear it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> come say hi to me at [my tumblr](http://crvdence.tumblr.com/) or [my twitter](https://twitter.com/YURAMEKl)


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